Heading towards mid-year now, I see?! As we venture into May 2011, I have started a new job in a lovely office on Collins Street in Melbourne, with spectacular views overlooking the city, and the most healthy pay packet I’ve had in my life by a long shot. The catch is that the role is a ten month contract, but as my commitment-phobic past with employment will testify, this is probably a good thing! This position as a Project Administrator/Receptionist has given me the freedom to dress up, dress up, dress up! Thoroughly enjoying the process of deciding “What am I going to wear?” the night before work (sad I know, but lets face it, if I’m writing an entire blog on a fashion related mission I am going to be fairly shallow anyway).
This has meant of course that I have got to showcase all my special skirts and dresses, and an interesting product of “One Year: No Pants” is my surprising and blossoming interest in costume jewellery. For thirty years I’ve paid that whole ‘jewellery’ section of femininity zero attention, but when constantly wearing nice skirts and dresses I have started to take more interest in these ornaments. Its an interesting bi-product of this whole mission. The money I’m saving on skinny jeans and tailored trousers I am spending on statement rings and unusual necklaces. And then there’s the disturbing new fascination with brooches.
I blame ‘glee’. I may as well just come out an admit it. I am head over heels crazy for the fashion in that show. And in particular for the threads of the endearing, kooky, OCD-suffering School Guidance Counsellor, Ms Emma Pillsbury. See, she manages to wear something maybe only a granny or a five year old would wear, but put it all together, with a sprinkle of ‘librarian’ a dash of ‘preppy’ and a bit of ‘vintage’ – and you get this amazing style that has me tuning in every week especially to see – What’s Emma wearing this week? From a bit of research I have discovered there’s even a website out there on it: www.wwepw.com which stands for What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear?
I gotta admit, I am taking fashion direction these days almost exclusively from this character. It’s so close to what I wear anyway, I’ve found my famous character fashion-counterpart. Hey at least it’s not Sue Sylvester! I mean think about it, for Emma Pillsbury One Year No Pants wouldn’t be a challenge! She’s NEVER seen in pants!
So as we continue into 2011 the mission is still ON, I’ve found a way to make it work, I’ve found ways to make it bearable, comfortable, fun and a bit special. Now I just have to hang on for grim life as we prepare to enter a Melbourne winter: I’ve heard the legends, but never experienced one. Bring it ON!!!!!
Well, we knew it was coming. Sooner or later, when the travelling calmed down, when I found a house in the leafy suburbs of Melbourne, and when I couldn’t face the idea of yet another night on the couch watching ‘Biggest Loser’, a gym would beckon. Today when wandering through my little town centre I found a flyer for Goodlife Health Clubs. A hop, skip and a jump from my house, this place caters for all sorts, from Zumba to Yoga and cycling spin classes. As I have lately become accustomed to the afternoon tea and slice of cake, and the odd chocolate bar after dinner, I have put on a couple of kilos. This doesn’t bother me. But it does make me want to get moving and be more active to actually justify the chocolate bar at the end of a day. Hence my interest in Goodlife.
But what of my One Year No Pants rule? Technically, really, I could get away with just going there in a pair of shorts. I don’t know anybody here yet, so to sneak out twice a week and get panted up would seem an innocent deception: for the greater good, you understand. However, anyone that knows me knows I am as stubborn as a mule and to do that equates to heading into a room full of people I know and who know this years challenge, parading around in my size 10 tall new look bootcut indigo jeans. Not that I currently own size 10 tall new look bootcut indigo jeans, only in my fantasies. No, my pride won’t allow it. I wouldn’t and couldn’t go through with it. This is a New Years Resolution that some might say is facing it’s darkest hour at the moment.
So instead of seeing the negativity I decided to hop on ebay and type ‘tennis skirt’ ‘gym skirt’ and ‘fitness skirt’ into the search bar. I was greeted with limited, but not non-existent, options. Basically for me to be able to take part in gym activities I would need to buy a reasonably expensive adidas tennis skirt, mid thigh lengh, navy and white, looks pretty nice. I am sure I will get looks with it but it is probably better than turning up in one of my tulip pencil skirts. Couple it with some sporty dark knickers, (the forgiving, cover all, doesn’t matter if you get a glimpse types), and take part in sports that dont’ require floorwork or too much legs in the air (sorry, yoga), and I’m laughing. So I reckon a Zumba class once a week, and a spin class (hmm, do the bikes have ladies’ frames?!).
Also I want to buy a bicycle and go for some casual riding at the weekends, but I have this sussed. I have earmarked a vintage style, classic, white, ladies bicycle with the low bar on it so you can wear a skirt. Even then, my skirts of choice will be the more full, flouncy, to the knee variety than my a-line minis – they’d be both a mistake and a hazard. I would go as far as to say that these skirts will only look better on a ladylike bicycle, as I cycle serenely along the park path with sunflowers and a newspaper and a baguette poking out of my vintage wicker-basket. I have given this a bit of thought as you can see…..
You just don’t know where I’m going to end up next, do you?! Nah, this was always a part of the bigger plan, the holiday was really an opportunity to see everyone before I started taking my life in a different direction. I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to visit. Anyway the OYNP mission of 2011 was given a lukewarm reception on my arrival in the UK/Ireland. I had one friend who couldn’t for the life of her understand why
1) Leggings were a no-no
2) Tights were okay.
Lets look at this logically. Leggings: they have no feet in them, cut off at the ankle, and consist of two lycra tubes - one for each leg – a gusset and a waistband. For all intents and purposes, they sound like tights with the feet cut off. But can I wear them? No. The simple explanation is that leggings are NOT ‘underwear’. They fall into the bottoms: separates category. Even though I violently abhorr the practice of not having a dress or long t-shirt over the backside when wearing leggings, it still happens, it’s still legitimate ‘bottoms’ and therefore out of bounds. Tights on the other hand are considered ‘underwear’, i.e. even though it’s not exactly cool to be sporting leggings without the safety of a thigh length hem, it is done – you WOULD NOT DO THIS with tights. Because tights are Underwear, leggings are Bottoms. Get it?
I had other sensible friends listen to my mission and either zone out or glaze over it with a ‘that’s nice dear’ sensibility that made me feel a bit foolish. How DARE I have even doubted the severity and weight of my 2011 challenge, and how dare I let these cretins undermine it!!!!
I am starting to worry now, though. The leaves are falling from the trees in Melbourne, and some afternoons are bright and pleasant, but I have experienced a couple of breezy days and I gotta admit: I’m gonna need a bigger denier! We are in autumn, heading into winter. I don’t even have that many jumpers. Also I am starting to go to interviews to try and convince some fool to employ me, and although knee length skirts are plentiful and smart I have started to cast lustful glances towards the wide leg trouser suits and high-waisted pants in the ‘City’ section of Target. To have got to mid-April successfully has been encouraging, however I feel the darkest hour has yet to arrive…..
Halfway through my second month, and so far it had all been so easy! Breezy cotton miniskirts are a girls best friend in the humid jungle. But I”m no longer in Queensland, not even in Australia: now I am beginning my journey to Ireland for six weeks of catching up with family and friends. In FEBRUARY, arguably the coldest month of the year! My ‘sorbet’ if you will is a few nights in Hong Kong, but I’ve neglected to research and it turns out its pretty cold this time of year….. as I write I am stood here in two pairs of tights, the warmest skirt I have packed (i.e. not very warm), three jumpers (i.e. every jumper I own) a cheap coat bought in a cheap asian boutique (with the amusing label ‘Wanko’ on the inside!) and a tightly knotted scarf. Hong Kong may be cold, but tonight I am bound for Paris – rumoured to be even colder. One Year: No Pants. Looks like the challenge is really only beginning! I can just hear the tuts of dismay from my family when I explain my new amish dress sense……..
For those who aren’t aware of weather conditions in Far North Queensland in January, I can probably only compare this to constantly walking around in a stinkin’ steamy sauna. From 8am – it’s too hot to walk. This involves a very early start in order to do the 30 minutes of walking as directed by the doctor when I got my operation last month (see previous post). Add to this inconvenience and overall discomfort a tight, hot, sweaty compression stocking holding my venous system in my right leg together! Perhaps the worst time of the year for me to get this operation, but what can I tell ya: it was free, it was after a 3 year wait and if I didn’t take it I wouldn’t have had the chance again. Yesterday i was so fed up with it I was very tempted to just throw the damn things out. However I’ve persevered. What’s this got to do with my year without pants? Nothing, just that wearing a lightweight skirt is extremely easy at the moment! I can’t even imagine trying to slip on a pair of jeans or even shorts! One Year No Pants is a total no-brainer and it’s all plain sailing so far! Largely due to the sticky conditions and gammy right leg. I’m sure February (what with my trip over to the northern hemisphere) will bring a whole set of complications! For now – easy peasy!!!!
Hmm, in my infinite wisdom, I have went to hospital voluntarily to remove a varicose vein from my right leg. This procedure has consequences: for the next six weeks I must wear a very obvious-looking bright white compression stocking on my right leg. Possibly the worst time in my life for this, what with it being a humid summer in North Queensland, and I won’t be able to hide the mismatched limbs from public view. And with no pants! I wont have the safety of those old jog bottoms, or be able to rather vainly sweat my way into a pair of jeans. Clever, really clever!
365 days. No clear objective. No tangible reward. No pants.
In an unorthodox move, my new years resolution for 2011 is to live a full calendar year in dresses and skirts. Can it be done? Should it even be attempted?! We’ll find out!
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